Changes

Many people know that old familiar tune by Davie Bowie but when your faced with it, CHANGE SUCKS!

On Thursday, July, 30th I went in for minor surgery and during the procedure the doctors saw that I had a cancerous mass in my cervix. On August 4th, it was confirmed that I have a form of cervical cancer called adenocarcinoma. This was very sudden and I showed no signs during a routine exam the end of May.

Since then I've had a radical hysterectomy and now may have to go through radiation because of the risk of it returning. I won't know until I see a radiation oncologist September 1st of what lies ahead of me but I can tell you this....cancer sucks and it has changed my life in oh so many ways.

I can't even begin to describe what I'm feeling. I feel fear because I don't know what's ahead of me. I feel frustration because my life has changed dramatically. I feel frustration because I think people believe now that I've had the hysterectomy, they think that the cancer is gone and my life is fine. I feel guilt because the cancer I face is nothing like other cancer patients face yet I'm still very afraid. I feel anxious because because I want to live a long and joyful life, ride my bike, work hard, thrive, but that all seems so very far away.

Despite all my fears, sadness and trepidation, I spend my days thinking about the next endurance race. First on my horizon is the Lumberjack 100 in June 2o10 and my hope remains that my life will be back to normal.

I've also spent a lot of time looking for resources and by far the best one has been the Lance Armstrong Foundation. I know that a lot of people are cynical about Lance but his organization has been the best resource for me. I especially like the Manifesto. It, among all the caring thoughts from family and friends, gives me strength.

Cancer may leave your body but it never leaves your life.

Valerie